Sunday, September 30, 2007

Career of the Day: Central American Liaison

In December, my wacky mother will be taking a two-week trip to a Central American plastic surgery mecca for a facial overhaul -- alone. Not only that, but after 50 years of smoking cigarettes (and rationalizing that if she were to get cancer, she would have gotten it already), she's quit. Not for health reasons, per se, but to prepare for her surgeries and avoid "necrosis." Gotta love my ever-practical mom.

I have to admit, the first words that formed in my mind (after I could again form words after this news) were "help me Jesus Christ" and "international incident." Mom has never been out of the country before. The edgiest place she's ever been to is Los Angeles, where I live. MaMere was only mildly acknowledging when I quizzed, "You DO know they speak Spanish there, right?" and spewed, "How the hell should I know?" when I asked her if this country were above or below the equator.

I'm not the only worried family member. To properly conjure up an image of Mom, think Nathan Lane's character in "The Birdcage" -- trapped inside the body of Annette Funicello. I worry I'll have to smuggle in a supply of Agador's "Pirin" tablets to keep her properly calmed. I worry that Mom's creative take on foreign language will have the locals searching for her in her recovery hut, carrying sticks of fire. I worry I may have to fly out there to mediate for Mom and the world with my rudimentary Spanish and similar distaste for primitive travel conditions (meaning, what if they don't have hair dryers and shower curtain liners as well as shower curtains?). I'd better check my Pre-Paid Legal coverage to see if it includes international legal situations. And stock up on Imodium.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Career of the Day: Five-Toed Sloth

I've felt overwhelmingly exhausted the last few days. My mind is tired from thinking plotting planning thinking thinking thinking. It takes its toll. One night this week the most mentally stimulating television material I could handle was two re-runs of "The Golden Girls."

One thing I've been doing -- albeit sporadically -- is to account for time spent on each business the way a lawyer would. "Review and respond to question from potential eBay customer: .1 hours." At the end of the day, I'll at least know why I'm mentally fatigued. The lifestyle of those cute little sloths looks so appealing some days.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Career of the Day: eBay Retailer

Some days I don't even want to acknowledge this. I know there are people making good money on eBay, but currently that's not me. Listing items is time-consuming, and I don't enjoy it. I love packaging up my sales and sending them out lickety-split with my little note of appreciation, but I loathe listing items.

Finding a reliable dropshipper is something that would probably make my eBay retailing easier, but I'm still working on that, probably because of my misgivings about not personally handling the item I've sold. I've purchased items on eBay myself, things that I threw directly in the trash when they arrived because of the abysmal quality. "Why didn't you return it and get your money back?" Well, because I paid 99 cents for the item and $14.95 for shipping and handling, the latter of which could not be refunded.

This kind of thing is frustrating and disappointing, and sometimes (shock!) eBay sellers are not the most reasonable or concerned with my satisfaction. I never want a customer of mine to feel this way from something they purchased from me. So, while I await a celestial memo informing of the perfect items for me to sell on eBay, there's a group of people roughly the population of Finland out there to assist me with their information products
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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Brain Tired

Damn, there's SO much out there in Internet Business Opportunity World. I need a daily dose of gingko biloba if I even hope to weather this opportunity storm. If I can remember to take it...

Even so, my days are FAR more fun than when I was working in an office. It's been months now since I've thought about needing to be placed in a chemically-induced coma indefinitely (you know, for the rest).

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Career of the Day: Witness

My friend Mary Ellen has lived in a rent-controlled apartment in West Los Angeles for 35+ years. The building owner could easily get double the amount of rent she currently pays if he gets her out of that apartment. M.E. has no plans on going anywhere, but that didn't prevent Mr. Building Owner from refusing the certified letter containing her September rent and issuing her a 3 Day Pay or Quit Notice.

Being a veteran of the West L.A. eviction wars, I instructed her on all the things she should do to protect herself. After speaking with an attorney yesterday, M.E. asked me to witness her slipping the returned September rent check under the building owner's door, which I'm on my way to do. Videotaping this transaction is the only opportunity I could think of to use my new cell phone's video messaging capability, so hopefully I can learn how to do that on the way over.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

It's true. I have no idea what I'm doing. I just submitted some of my websites to search engines using software I purchased almost a year ago, one of three softwares in one package costing $19.95. At least I think I submitted them -- the software says I did. But it could have also told me it built me a log cabin in Wisconsin, and I would have no way of knowing what it did.

While I investigate every internet business internet offer that comes to me via email, I feel like my head is that big dish made in the movie "Big Night" -- a "timpano" I believe -- everything but the kitchen sink. The good news is that the timpano turned out exquisitely. (The bad news is that all I can remember that was in the dish is hard boiled eggs, which is making me kinda queasy as I don't eat eggs.) (But I digress.)

I'm starting to dream about Internet marketers. The people that have pictures on their sites, that is. Generating money is becoming an obsession.

The part that keeps me going is that lots of people already think I'm nuts, so I might as well keep going until I know what I'm doing. That's the determining factor for a lot of things I decide to do -- everybody thinks I'm nuts, might as well do it. Sick, huh? Oh well. I am what I am. Clueless and nuts.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Career of the Day: Notary Public

Boy, this looked so easy when I watched other people do it. It is essentially easy, but with many rules behind it. Essentially I'm a professional witness. When I am asked to notarize a document, I need to ascertain many things, i.e., is the person signing of sound enough mind to know what they are signing, do they understand it, are they signing it willingly, are they who they say they are? I've primarily notarized estate planning documents, and the people involved are all too happy to get this part of their lives squared away, so it's usually smooth sailing. Unfortunately, dying is a lot more complicated these days, so for a married couple I'll end up notarizing 14-18 documents by the time I'm done, and it takes a couple of hours.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Career of the Day: Professional Organizer

Anyone familiar with my teenage bedroom would be surprised at this one. It's actually easy to organize other people. After all, those needing organization keep so much useless crap around -- far different than one's own important crap. I've always been sort of an organized mess. I like to organize from the ground up, not front to back like in a file cabinet. When I need something, 98% of the time I know exactly the pile in which to find it.

This drives the Anti-Clutter Nazis (who spend a lot of time preaching on Oprah and The Today Show) bonkers. To them, there's one way to do things, and it's the linear way. Which would work great for me, were I merely linear. (Being multi-directional has worked well for me. My inability to do things in a straight line is probably what got me out of mowing my dad's lawn. I know it drove my mom nuts when I vacuumed in circles.) But I digress.

Working with lawyers, I've spent a lot of time doing professional organizing. (They reduce it to "filing" so they can pay less for it, but I know better.) So when my well-careered friend Jane called to ask for my OK to recommend me to one of her clients needing lawsuit organization help, it seemed like a good fit. Her now-my client references her checks "Document Management" -- even better :-)

I don't know how what I do compares to the work done by trained and accredited professional organizers (except that they make $40-$200 per hour), but so far I haven't been asked to do anything I can't do, except get MS Word for Mac to act something like MS Word for PCs. And my sweet client pays me at the end of each work session. Can't beat that with a stick.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Dreaming

For the time being, I'm limited to one-word titles to my posts because my words convert to Hindi when I hit the space key. Anyone else having this problem, or is it a sign that I should give up my capitalistic pursuits and move to India? (What I would do there, I have no idea.)

Been having a few weird dreams. Last night I dreamed that I was back working for a most unpleasant woman I'd worked with for too long. I knew during the interview that she didn't like me and was shocked when I got a call back to offer me the job. During the interview she made a few snide comments about the degree I'd just acquired from my well-respected university of choice. That was baffling -- why would someone with a masters degree find that threatening? Regardless, the entire interview was conducted with her jaundiced eye glaring at me. But, my underwear had holes, my husband had a serious illness (and HE was the one with the job!), and we were both on a steady diet of mac and cheese. I bit the bullet and took the job. I made lots of friends for two years at that place (which seemed to drive Most Unpleasant Woman nuts) (forgive me for enjoying that), but when I left I swore I'd never again work for someone I knew didn't like me. Most people like me, so the fact that she didn't spoke volumes.

After breakfast, I had a serious dizzy spell and fell back asleep to more dreams about working with unpleasant people. Probably to be expected; yesterday, the horrible thought that felt as sickening as El Segundo sometimes smells entered my mind that I might have to go back to work in a law firm as someone's bitch, er, secretary. I think I'll be OK as long as I consider those thoughts as a kind of PTSD, flashbacks of traumatic experiences, and strengthen my resolve to work for myself on my own schedule for the rest of my life and make lots of money. From my blog to God's ears. Amen.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Waking Up

Even though I don't have a job where I fill out an IRS form and clock in and out, there are certain things I'm routinely doing to foster a regular workday attitude for myself. One of them is getting up the same time every day. For me that time is 6:00 a.m. I want you all to stand up and clap for me because this is not easy! Waking up has never been easy for me, but especially hard when you don't have that external motivation of a job to arrive at.

It works something like this. The alarm goes off at 6:05 a.m. (as it says on the digital clock, which is set five minutes ahead to psych myself out). I roll out of whatever position I am on the bed and usually don't add any new bruises to my hematoma collection. I turn off the alarm, sit on the edge of my bed and bemoan my existence and the horrible cruelty that I have to be up this early. Eventually the need to urinate asserts itself, and I toddle off, platypus-style, to the bathroom to sit on the toilet, where I often fall back asleep.

Is this much different than what most nocturnal heavy sleepers do at 6:00 a.m.? Probably not. But it's still a commitment and it's still something I do every day and I do it because it's easier to get work done when you're awake. So I want credit, damn it! Amen.

Career of the Day: Google AdSense Advertiser

Google AdSense Advertiser! Are you saying I can make money just by letting 'em put ads on my blog? Yes, it looks like that! Come to me, my pretties! (Visitors and clickers, that is.) Mama needs some new underwear.
Well, hi there. Thanks for showing up for this. I should be here in a few days. Let me know when I'm here, k? :-)